Happy Groundhog Day, everyone! Did the groundhog see his shadow this morning or no? I actually haven’t checked yet. Either way, I feel like we’re heading into the final month(s) of winter here in Toronto. But still, there’s nary a snowdrift to be found. It’s been a cold winter here, but a dry one. It was a cold autumn too, almost as though we’ve been holding in this weather pattern since September. So if that groundhog really didn’t see his shadow then I am happy. Knowing that spring is right around the corner is what Groundhog Day is all about.
Because change is good, right? Right. So on that note, let me introduce you to a new monthly blog feature: My Inspiration of the Month.
February’s inspiration is this lovely card that I got from Dave on the occasion of our 4-year Date-aversary. It seems odd somehow, celebrating our “anniversary” in January when we’re already knee-deep in October wedding plans. I guess this was the last time we would celebrate January 19th as our official anniversary. And so what better piece of loveliness to inspire me for the month ahead.
So, what do you think? It’s a little bit romance, a little bit whimsy, a little bit luxe. It’s royal purple and cool silver and the deep red of Valentine’s Day. It’s quiet mornings and sweet treats. It’s a great big pop of colour in this still dreary month of winter.
Hope you like it! I’m sure it’ll inspire me all month long as we head into February. And if you’d like to see a close-up of the board to catch all the little bits and pieces, you can find it here.
Why do people hate winter? Or any season for that matter? I know that up here in Canada it can get very cold and the realities of moving through snow can prove to be difficult on a Monday morning, but why the hate? Don’t they know that each in turn is part of the whole? There can be no summer harvest without first having winter’s snow melt into the ground to replenish the water table.
I’ve never been a great fan of extremes, be they in winter or summer. I’m much more of a spring/fall girl myself. More wardrobe options that way. But I am getting better at learning to take things as they come. Each season has something enjoyable about it that I think we’d miss if there was suddenly no more of that one time of year. Like, for instance, lighting candles in the early evening when you’ve barely turned your mind to dinner and yet the night already envelops you.
Note to self: remember this feeling and this sentiment come Groundhog Day when the brunt of winter is upon us and there are no more twinkling Christmas lights to make me feel good about it.
Also: remember to stock up on candles.
Well, my baking bonanza was a success. I spent the better part of 3 glorious hours in the kitchen, cutting out shapes, drizzling icing and sprinkling coloured sugar. It’s a good thing I had prepared and refrigerated the dough on the weekend when Melissa and Carvill and I had a cookie-baking day of our own. Otherwise, I might have been in that kitchen for at least a couple more hours. I did, after all, make a double batch.
But all of my efforts were worth it. These cookies were gobbled up by my coworkers and at the end of the day when I went to check there were maybe 5 remaining in the tin, which I left for the night crew to enjoy. (Whoever got their hands on one before they were all gone, anyway.)
After my busy day on Wednesday, I was glad to be working from home yesterday and today. I definitely needed the peace and quiet. And Daisy was definitely missing me while I was gone too. She followed me around on Wednesday night from room to room, where ever I went, keeping an eye on me and cuddling me whenever I sat down.
To think that this is the same dog who was so independent and spurned my attentions when she was young, only to grow so attached to me in her old age. I can’t believe she’s gonna be 13 in February. Has it really been 13 years since I was 16, demanding that my parents let me buy her with the first earnings of my first job? Wow. It really is incredible how fast time flies.
 {a little blurry, but I don’t mind.}
Christmas is almost upon us. Ten days to go. And the solstice is on Monday, which is definitely a special day for me, personally. I’ve spoken about my thoughts on the seasons before, and Yuletide is one of the major points on the wheel of the year. That blackest of nights that gives way to the promises of brighter, longer days to come. Though we still have the brunt of winter to get through, we can take comfort in knowing that every day now will be just a little bit longer. Until finally, we reach the promise of spring and a world reborn into new beauty.
But back to the topic at hand: Yule and Christmas. I unfortunately have to work on Monday and Tuesday next week, but after that both Dave and I have the rest of the month off, heading back to work in January. Even though I don’t have Monday off, I do want to do something special with Dave. Maybe something just the two of us. I’m picturing candles, but I haven’t gotten much beyond that yet. Either way, I can tell the solstice is close. As I write this, the sun is already going down and it’s barely 4:00.
I still haven’t finished my holiday shopping either. Dave is stopping at a store after work to pick up another gift, but after that we still have four people left to shop for, plus stocking-stuffers. I used to find Christmas shopping a lot easier and more enjoyable, but we’re on a much tighter budget this year, saving for the wedding and all. We’re trying to make it work but it’s made gift ideas a little harder to come by and the whole shopping experience seems a bit more tense. Once that’s done though I think I’ll be able to start enjoying myself the way I normally do at this time of year. Because usually, I’m that annoying person in every family that loves the holidays SO much, despite the fact that everyone else around them seems to be a giant grinch. As proof, I submit my Christmas Music playlist, currently standing at 100+ songs in length. It has been on heavy rotation in these here parts ever since the Santa Claus Parade.
ANd tomorrow is our office’s Holiday Lunch. My workplace is too poor to afford an actual Christmas party, so they have some catering brought in for us one day instead. That generally translates into not a lot of work getting done, which is fine by me. I’m planning on baking sugar cookies tonight to bring in as my contribution to the “party.” Sugar cookies with a drizzling of royal icing and sprinkles on top. What do you think? And I’ll try to remember to take pictures of my baking bonanza this evening, during which the aforementioned playlist will again be put to very good use.
T-minus 10 days and counting!
I found myself feeling overwhelmingly philosophical this morning. More than usual, it would seem. Most of the time I keep my philosophical thoughts to myself. In our “modern” world, it has become something of a faux pas to start up a philosophical discussion. And with the frantic pace of 21st century lives, who really has time to waste on philosophy anyway? So really, I guess I don’t talk about this much, but I am actually an acutely seasonally-minded person. More than any organized religion ever has, the spiritual side of me is awakened by a reverence for nature as it continually renews itself through the turning of the seasons. I see creation in all things from stardust to my pinky toe and I have respect for them all, equally. Call it what you will, this is just how I feel in my heart.
And as you know, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my day-to-day life, what it’s been like for these past few years and how much of it has been lived on autopilot. And part of what bothers me so much is that I don’t live what I feel, partly because I worry about being judged as a weirdo, but more because of this autopilot fallback postioin my life often takes. I guess it’s just another offshoot of the general thoughts I’ve been having about mapping a direction for the rest of my life. Now that I am happily engaged, it seems as though philosophical and practical questions are colliding. I’m questioning what kind of future I want it to be: Where do we want to live and “settle down”? How soon after the wedding do we want to start having kids? How are we even gonna afford this wedding and what kind of lifestyle changes will we have to make to save that kind of money? How do I start living a more seasonally-minded life so that I don’t feel quite so spiritually hollow all the time and can start creating the home and family that our future children will eventually be welcomed into? And where does a career and the need to make money fit into all this? Because I am still struggling with knowing what to do in that aspect of my life, and generally trying to fight back the overwhelming fear that in this recession-ridden world, me and my Celtic Studies degree are completely unhireable.
As usual, I don’t seem to have any of the answers to my questions. Part of it is that I don’t really know where to begin and part of it is that no matter how hard I try, it is increasingly difficult or me to feel at home in our cramped upper floor apartment, living in someone else’s house in the dirty urban core of a major metropolitan city. No money + no car + no job with a future = staying put right here without even being able to change my surroundings even a little bit to spruce it up and make it feel more homey.
There I go, sounding all down and sorry for myself again. I’m not really, I swear. I guess I’m still just floundering, looking for square one of where to being. It’s just hard to feel connected to nature when all you see outside your window is concrete and brick. But take that first step I must, whatever it may be, because I refuse to stay living in this limbo. I need to start being mindful and fully present in my own life, not just coasting through it. I need to create the life and the future and the family I want, not just lie back and wait for it to find me.
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