I’m a very visual person, and being able to see the world around me through a camera lens, while I decide which path to take, will be a different and challenging experience. I’m usually too wrapped up in myself to remember to take pictures of anything. Yet, whenever I do, I’m always so happy with them. They end up meaning a lot to me, like my grad photos that I just edited and uploaded this morning. I was happy to have those pictures and with them, the ability to remember that moment clearly. Since I am trying to slow down, be more deliberate and think about things more, the camera should help. I just have to remember not to get so caught up in it that I’m not actually experiencing the moment. The perfect capture every time is not necessary.

But on the side of the slightly ironic, what do you suppose happened today, on this, my first day off? Why, I feel like I’m coming down with something, that’s what. The feeling I had in my lungs and chest this morning was as though I had spent last night puffing my way through an entire pack of cigarettes. Something I have not actually done in a long time, and certainly didn’t do last night. I really hope this doesn’t knock me down for the count, but I was planning on forcing myself to take this time slowly, so this may just be the universe’s way of making sure that I do.

You know, it really is amazing how much of a weight I feel lifted off of me, just since I got the okay from my boss to take this time off. It’s shocking really, especially since earlier this week I could feel myself drowning fast. I’m almost worried that this euphoria will mask some of the goals I have for this time. This feel-good surge will be all too fleeting if I wind up right back where I started after this month is over. I just can’t let that happen. I’ve been letting almost everything blow past me in a daze of unresponsiveness lately. If this is going to work, it will have to be deliberate.

Fingers crossed and here we go.